What's next?

I survived my surgery. And at first felt it should be not talked about or made a big deal. It really wasn't a major thing at all but I am having a slower recovery then I am willing to accept. Unfortunately, my kids have seen me at my worst. Sadly to me, they have been passed around like yo-yo's. Although I know it was necessary, I didn't like it. I am not one to ask for help.
One day, I want them to be able to read this and understand that it is nothing they had done. But rather mommy has to heal.

This blog was suppose to be a little promotion, a validation. Now seating here really thinking about gratitude and my blessings. I began to think, well, truthfully, I was accepting my mortality. And what if, what if I don't get good news. I really do want my 2 amazing nuggets of love to know I wasn't just "mom" I had talent, I had aspirations, I was going to leave my mark. Perhaps a small one, but dang it, I am not just a Mexican girl who paid too much for an amazing art school, I should be bragging about, just to be at home washing dishes and changing diapers, and picking up littlest petshop toys that have heads too big for their little legs.

I had dreams and I will make them happen.

Today, I had a good scare. I am fine, I will see tomorrow and the next day and the end of 2012. I just over did it too soon and well, my body shut down. Soooo frustrating. I'm going to hate being old and immobile. But I need to write this rather then just think about it anymore.

After Annie Belle's death, I've seen rainbows, actually my daughter, Sabrina, finds them everywhere and so do I lately. A strange one in my living room, we don't know from what but it was gorgeous. And with this rainbow appears a little bird. A very colorful bird soon after. What's it mean? Heck, I don't know. But I am going to paint it and devote it to Annie Belle.

This here,well, is not my piece, I wish...but it is the little bird that is taunting me.. either in images or a similar one at my window. It is I found out is a roller bird. What's it doing in Santa Clarita? Well, these lilac breasted ones, are mostly in South Africa. But there is a little purple bird that comes to visit us very similar and I still need to find out what it is. Soon as I figure out the symbolism, it will be created. Perhaps this won't be painted this month but it's coming. Stay toon for more.
ARRIBA! Arriba!